What I learnt, lose & gain from 2021

 I learned that change needs to come from within and not from other people or anything. I thought that 2021 would be a life-changing experience for me in a good way because I will have a year at home which is a chance to take my time to change for the better physically and mentally. However, I really think that I kind of wasted this whole year a lot. I wasted my time the most with entertainment like games, movies, and so much more. I really do believe that I could have done better by learning and polishing some languages like Arabic and Mandarin so that I can at least have a conversation with those languages but then again I still can't. This is because I never even used any of my time this year to study and enhance my skills in those languages. I like to imagine myself doing great things and I will say to myself that I will eventually do it but I think I don't because I tend to procrastinate a lot than actually getting things done. I bought a really thick planner for 2021 but guess what? Most of the papers in it are blank and I think I only write less than 5 pages on it. I think I should be stern and strict with myself like right now I think that it's better to go hard on myself than just going easy or nothing on myself because I will never get my goals done if I keep being like this. I expected to actually gain more knowledge, learn or know other languages, build a digital brand while gaining some income from it, and so much more. Due to not achieving some goals for this year, I plan to be a more organizing and responsible person and make a big detailed schedule during December 2021 so that I can actually be better at achieving my goals in 2022. I used to be scared of doing something repetitively because it will be so boring but now I feel like I need to do things in sequence so that they can be more efficient than before. I think that a repetitive schedule can be fun when we do things in sequence differently. For example, every day I will eat breakfast at 8 am but I will eat different meals for breakfast. It could be cereals today and bread for the next day. I hope that I can make it work and it will be better for me in 2022 because I will change to be a more responsible and organizing person so that I can achieve my goals efficiently.

What I lose in 2021 are some people that I knew or used to be close with. We all have a lot of friends throughout our entire lives but not every one of them will stick as being our friends forever because time or place or others might tear us apart or make us grow further away. It might not be because of hate or any negative reasons. Maybe it's just because of pure differences in interests or ideas and lack of compatibility with each other. I came to an acceptance that it's okay to have a small circle of friends than a big one with no meaning. Friends are there for each other through thick and thin so we need to be prepared to help our friends whenever they are in need. Nonetheless, we also have to remind ourselves to take good care of ourselves especially our mental health and it's very not selfish to do so. If we have a large group of friends, we need to help more people and be there for them. In my book, I will be there for my friends whenever they are in need but they have to let me know about it because I can't keep asking everyone every day "how are you?". The reality is everyone is busy with their own lives and it's very hard to keep up to date with everyone especially when u have a large group of friends. So, it would be very nice if people can be more understanding and just acknowledge the fact that we all have our own lives with problems and stuff to deal with too. It's not that we don't care anymore or we don't want to know about our friends anymore, sometimes it's just we are simply busy and we also forget about things. It would be better if we all be more understanding and instill Husnuzon (Positive thoughts / Benefit of the doubt / Assume good in others) ourselves, to always think positive about each other instead of the negative things. I learn that it's fine to let go of the people that don't want to be in our circle of life anymore and I don't need to beg for any friendships and others. If the person stays in my life, Alhamdulillah, If not, then I hope their life would still be better even without me, Insha Allah. The choice to befriend anyone we want is up to us. Honestly, I am friends with everyone that will consider me as their friends and it's hard for me to leave a toxic state in any relationship because I tend to see the good in people or try to understand their reasons behind the things they do or some people would say make excuses for them. From now on, I am just letting the universe takes its course and I'll still be me, a friend that will help you in need but I won't beg to save a friendship when the friend chooses to leave. I'd say my sorries and let it be. I hope I will be a better friend to all of my friends, Insha Allah. 

In 2021, I gain more true and new friends and I am very blessed that Allah gave me an opportunity for me to meet them eye to eye and heart to heart. I always thought that everyone is my friend and everyone is the best so I never thought of best friends very deeply. However, we mostly spend our time with our close and loved ones during the pandemic so I realized that I do have best friends in 2021 as I spent my time the most with Nura, Jeje, and Fnab. It's the three of them that I realize are my true best friends because out of everyone that I met, only three of them have a similar mindset, ideas, and interests as me. They also understand me the most and it goes both ways. I just feel like I can vibe with them more even tho we do have our own differences but we can relate to each other in most aspects of our lives. They and some others are my closest friends but I am listing the three of them specifically here as a token of appreciation because I am just very grateful that they exist and I am very thankful that they are always there for me and I'll always be there for them. We are mostly like two peas in a pot in almost everything and we usually hang around discord while doing many activities together like watching movies, playing games, helping each other with assignments, and so much more. Hence, we all grow closer to each other more than ever during this pandemic. I hope this Ukhwah will last until Jannah, Insha Allah. I also met new friends in 2021 from various online platforms like games, social media, and others during the pandemic. I met so many different new people and they all seem genuine and I learn how to take care of my boundaries so that I won't grow too close or attach to them in a short moment of time so they would not depend a lot on me entirely. It is important to know that we need to have or set some healthy boundaries with people especially when we meet new people in our lives. We need to respect other people's boundaries and they need to respect our's too such as acknowledging consent, accepting the decisions made and understanding the context of situations. Throughout 2021, I am very happy that I met Puteri, Husky, and Nick from VRChat because they are a really nice group of people and they also helped me improve my Mandarin language a lot. I am honored that I met Ikhwan from VRChat too because he is a really normal pious person that shows me hope is still there for humanity because we as humans tend to make mistakes and have our flaws but we still can always keep trying to make a change and be better. I am lucky that I met Aqil because he is a real person that speaks his mind sometimes too much even the negative ones about himself or maybe he is just a heavily sarcastic person. What I admire about him is that he is a really hardworking person and I am sure he will achieve his goals in life someday. I met Una through Aqil and Una is a really sweet girl that is evidence to this world that such an angel on earth exists because she is so innocent and I really think highly of that. I hope that I will continue on learning and growing to be better and hopefully have a long-lasting friendship with all of my friends and I wish nothing but the best for them Insha Allah.